Updated: Mar 28, 2019
Are you going to the beautiful beaches of Key West, Florida or will you end up in the desolate wasteland of west Texas?
I’ve said many times that divorce is a marathon not a sprint but today I want to change it up a bit. For this post, the journey through divorce is going to be a cross country road trip not a quick trip down the street to Target. Who’s driving? Who is along for the ride? Where do you want to end up? At the beginning of any road trip you begin with the end in mind.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
If that isn’t the biggest question then I don’t know what is. I’m not just magically going to make it to the beautiful sand beaches of Key West without a plan, a map and the proper motivation. Without those things I could easily end up in Lamesa, TX. You do NOT want to end up in Lamesa, TX if you’re goal is Key West. Sorry Lamesa but you are not a pretty town. Knowing where you want to end up is the ONLY way to get there. It is so critical that even in the midst of divorce fog you must take the time to find out where you want to go. Who do you want to be at the end of this process? What do you want your new life to look like? These are the questions we will explore in coaching. What is the life you want to create from this mess?
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET THERE?
If having a destination in mind is key #1 then knowing how to get there is definitely key #2. I could definitely get to Key West, Florida without a map. I could just wing it and drive in that general direction but I’d most likely get lost several times. The trip would take twice as long, I’d be frustrated and worn out by the time I finally arrived. It’s the same with divorce. Even if you know where you want to go, getting there is 1,000% easier if you have a map. As a divorce recovery coach, I am a road map for getting your where you want to go and avoiding the desolate places like Lamesa, Tx.
WHO IS DRIVING THIS BUS?
Well this seems like a no-brainer… or does it? The truth is there are lots and lots of divorcing people out there that are not driving their own bus. They are curled up in the fetal position in the back somewhere or they are hanging out the sunroof flashing their taa-taas to the passing trucks. Who is driving your bus? Is it your ex? Is it your guilt or the “you-ought-to” police? One thing I know for sure is that your anger and bitterness should not be in the driver’s seat. Oh, they can come along because let’s be honest you aren't leaving the driveway without them bitches. Anger and bitterness will take you where you don’t want to go. Give them a juice box and some goldfish and stick them in the far backseat. Now that we’ve got those seats assigned, who have you decided to put in the driver’s seat? Don’t say Jesus! I’m all for Jesus takin’ the wheel but YOUR butt had better be in that driver’s seat. If you want to end up in beautiful Key West, you cannot simply be a passenger. Besides, the driver has the best view, they get to pick the music and set the AC temperature. Just sayin’.
WHO IS COMING WITH YOU?
If you have kids then I highly highly recommend them being in the car. It’s beyond tacky to not take them with you on this divorce journey. Don’t be that mom who leaves their kids behind. So they’re coming—what seat should they have? I will come out of my ever-lovin' seat if you say they are driving all your decision. HECK NO!! They are children. They belong in car seat restraints with limited visibility. In fact, give them a juice box, some goldfish as well and turn on Finding Nemo so they don’t see every little bump in the road or near miss.
You’re going to need help on this journey to your best new life (otherwise known as Key West, FL in this scenario) so you need to bring along some friends and family. Maybe they are right up front with you helping you navigate and take the wheel when you’re exhausted. Or maybe they need to be in a following car so their only responsibility is to help you if your get a flat tire or breakdown. But I’d suggest they not be in the seat behind you being a backseat driver. Friends and family mean well and their love and support can be lifesaving and life giving. But let’s not forget they don’t have to live with the results of this divorce—you do! They may not always understand why certain decisions need to me made and why certain compromises have to happen. Absolutely listen and heed wise counsel but also arm yourself with a verbal mapping system (preferably with a British accent) that will direct you to your desired destination. And by that, I mean get a therapist and/or a life coach for unbiased guidance.
Now enjoy the journey! Yes, it is possible to savor this time in your life. Celebrate the moments along the way. Afterall, it’s a journey that has to happen. You are the only one that should determine where you end up. On any long road trip the first part where you are just trying to get the heck out of Dodge is the most stressful. If that is where you are in your divorce journey, please call me. I’d love to help get you to your own personal Key West.